Purple Princess Phantasies (Part 2)

Devena in red, Diana in green and Jacelyn in blue...

screamed in pain as the nettles stung her bare skin and that only got her more attention from dirty old Mr Sharp-ear. He looked at her struggling with the weeds leeringly, and was about to....jump out of the window and land on her, when someone at the window pushed him out instead. He landed in a small pond next to the nettles and quickly sank to the bottom, as people with sharp ears naturally do not know how to swim… Fantaghiro breathed a sigh of relief, but dare not move, for every movement would make the nettles sting her even more. Just when all hope for getting out of the nettle bush seemed to be lost, who should appear at the window above but a vampire that looked strangely like a female version of Tarabas. The vamp tried to hypnotize Fantaghiro with her black beady eyes but Fantaghiro suddenly found the courage to pull herself out of the nettles. She knew that falling prey to the vamp’s stare and eventually becoming her rumour-mongering buddy is a worse fate than some scars. She streaked across the lawn as the vamp gave chase shouting ‘wait! I just want to advise you!’… when she was startled by a wet hand slowly caressing her face. It was sharp-ear all drenched. She realized that in her struggle to get out of the nettles, she fell asleep again and it was so weird that she continued to be fantaghiro even in this dream. There was something about those characters that totally intrigued her and it seems like her sub-conscious mind is not leaving her at ease. She snapped herself out of her dream rationalization when the 'roaming' wet hands.... began to slap her reallhard. Waking up, Fantaghiro saw a wet, gangly youth shouting at her angrily. It was then that she remembered that she was really Barney and was now being clobbered by one of her child co-actors on set. She fended off the attacks and… upon realizing that she was still naked, and have managed to capture quite a bit of unnecessary attention, she ran inside the house and wrapped a stray sheet around her body only to find the mystery man giving her a top-to-toe..... glance filled with envy because he wanted the sheet so badly. She passed by him quickly and made it into a long corridor, where she spent a lot of time reminding herself that she was NOT Barney as some ppl seemed to think. Soon, she made it to a blue door at the end of the corridor.

When Fantaghiro opened the blue door……she found herself on the set of Barney and knew she couldn’t fight her fate anymore. She put on her purple Barney head and went to entertain the kids- forgetting she was still naked. A traumatized boy pointed and screamed but the rest seemed unfazed. In truth- they had seen such sights many times before when… Barney purposefully refused to get dressed in time for her shows. The traumatized boy however, after getting over his trauma, walked up to Barney and told her 'Shame, shame, puppy shame, all the monkeys know your name." and soon all the kids were chanting the rhyme over and over again. Barney could feel her temper rising and before... she could control her temper, she first decided that she must always fight a fate that says she is Barney when she is in fact Fantaghiro, and exploded into a million, zillion pieces!

Purple Princess Phantasies.. (Part 1)

Devena in red, Diana in green and Jacelyn in blue...

I suddenly woke up feeling strangely empowered. The noise of fast moving cars and busses didnt seem to bother me as much as it used to. I looked around and and realized I was lying in the middle of the road with a pool of blood around me and a whole bunch of people were just standing around... reading books and selling t-shirts. Annoyed that they were not assisting a person lying in the middle of the road with a pool of blood around them, I swam through the pool until I reached…the end of the stalls where I saw a little cottage that was so pretty I wanted to touch it because we all know that people like to touch things which are pretty. But then my hand went right thru the brick! Either the house wasn’t real or I wasn’t real. I came to the conclusion that… the house wasnt real. I mean how could there be such a pretty little cottage just down the road. It was simply not possible. I knocked on the quaint looking door, and to my surprise my fist went through the door... Remembering that I shouldn’t be surprised that my fist went through the door – heck, I shouldn’t even be knocking on the door if I already knew the cottage wasn’t real dammit – I walked past the cottage into the shop behind it. There, a hologram producing machine was coming up with the cottage look-alike outside. I punched the short ugly man running the machine and changed the cottage into a hologram of Spock. Suddenly a huge rush of females started heading in the direction of the Zachary Quinto hologram but they were beaten by what looked like Barney hurtling down the road. Barney had been eyeing spock for almost 10 years now and she finally caught a "live" glimpse of him. She would not let even the tiniest of creatures near her beloved Spock as she thinks she waited long enough to have him all for herself. After getting pass all the ugly scrawny women in short skirts and stillettos, she headed towards her Spock only to...watch him disappear slowly. He was a stupid hologram too! In shock, Barney, who was in fact the Princess Fantaghiro whom strange and blind commentators often mistook for Barney, walked to the hologram machine, wondering what other ppl it possessed in its archives. With a click, Spock had changed into Little Richard. The sudden massive transformation shocked Fantaghiro who being an ancient Italian myth could not understand the concept of a 20th Century gay man. She ran away from the weird device and found herself… in a dingy back alley. She was still dreaming of Spock when she spotted a handsome men lying helpless by a huge pile of rubbish. She picked up the courage to go up to him, simply because he looked good, in fact as she got closer to him, she could almost swear it was Romualdo. She began running towards him and....shouted loudly, “Romualdo! Romualdo!”. But for some reason, Romualdo began to run away from her, down the alley.
Fantaghiro was surprised, and very suspicious. Why would Romualdo be running away from her? Then, she noticed a cloaked figure at the end of the alley; Romualdo would intercept the figure very soon! What if it was an evil wizard or some badly placed mannequin? Fantaghiro moved forward only to find the cloaked ‘figure’ was clothes hanging on a washing line. ‘Romouldo’ ran thru the flapping clothes and out of sight. Fantaghiro chased after him screaming like a madwoman- ‘Romouldo! Romouldo!’ until something hard hit her head and she heard a gruff ‘Shut up, b*tch!’ Fantaghiro passed out. When she awoke, she found… herself lying naked between clean white satin sheets, with a man she could hardly recognise. She... gasped and thought to herself “Where the devil have my wonderful clothes and boots got to? And my cloak too? OMG is the man I can’t recognize wearing my clothes????” She slowly peeled away the sheets covering her and the mystery man and realized he wasn’t wearing her clothes but some other woman’s! He was dressed in a lacy negligee. She screamed in horror at the disgusting sight and jumped out of the open window. Only when she fell on a bunch of nettles did she remember she had no clothes on. She…

The Catsuit Capers of Rosetta Stone (Part 5)

Guide: Devena in Red, Diana in Green, Jacelyn in Blue.

was too engrossed with the chipmunk. I made my way to reach for the chipmunk's mustache and when I was finally on top of him, right there in the middle of the streets of Bangsar, the big huge x-trail driver who was put-off because I paid attention to the chipmunk and not him, drove his huge car past us and splashed some funky smelling liquid on us. The chipmunk was so annoyed that he turned his head so fast, his bristly mustached scratched against my nose and I screamed so loudly that the chipmunk died out of shock. I stood there and realized the liquid was radioactive and soon my catsuit started glowing in the dark. The glowing catsuit attracted a bunch of crows and the weird smell made them react in an angry manner. I was soon covered by crows who were picking at my skin and clawing at my suit. I was screaming in pain about the crow ambush when I heard the hearty laughter of the Dreadful Round One. The laughter was so dreadful it scared the crows away. She stopped laughing upon realizing she had helped me. I took the opportunity to blindside her with a punch. At that point, a sweet yet annoying voice said ‘Rosetta! Please do not punch the Round One! I do not understand why you are going to punch her. Please explain to me via email why you want to punch her…’ I was overcome by irritation that I…rubbed myself all over the round one so that some radioactive liquid would transfer to her and she would glow and attract crows to eat her up. Then, I saw the annoying one who was speaking in that sweet but annoying voice, jumped on her and rubbed myself all over her too while she emphasized that I was being foolish for not writing her a thousand emails in one day to explain myself. And with that, I had no more radioactive liquid on my catsuit anymore and instead watched the two glowing (blinding) idiots being eaten up by crows. Laughing in joy, I turned to see the X-Trail coming back up the road, and the tall and large man allowed me to hitch a ride to go to Genting Highlands after all! The End!

The Catsuit Capers of Rosetta Stone (Part 4)

Guide: Devena in Red, Diana in Green, Jacelyn in Blue.

realizing I had mistakenly battered a different and innocent round one who, being round and fat, had been desperate to get to the handsome smashed Colombian drug lord and had walked into the crowd stampeding off the train thereby being squashed on the platform. Suddenly, the innocent round woman who I had mistakenly whacked said in a suitably fattened desperate voice, “Rosetta…” I freaked. She knew my name. I waited for her to turn so I could recognize her face. But she did not. I stood there patiently, one hand on my boob, and the other impatiently suffing the balance of the bun into my mouth, and then she slowly tried to get up. "Aunt Melrose?" I shuddered at the thought of explaining to my mom that I just hit her sister with a tray so hard that she could not even get up. Random thought were running through my mind, should I just run or should I help. The conscious part of me was saying that I should help her up and do the right thing, which is take her home but another part of me just felt like hitting her more, pretend I didn't see this whole thing and run, just run until I find that cat suit, and probably some boots to match on the way out. I was even contemplating on stopping by Bobby Brown's for a make-over to match my outfit when I saw a cockroach and started screaming hysterically. I then remembered how I got into this whole mess in the first place! It was Andrea and the cockroach! I stepped on the roach and my bloodlust was contained for the moment. I quickly turned to Aunt Melrose and said ‘I don’t know what you are talking about or who Rosetta is. I am Pussy-in-Boots and I rid the world of round ones!’ Offended at my speech A. Melrose said, ‘Just because I am round doesn’t mean I am desperate! But that drug lord was cute and I need to get married ok?’ Confused as to why Aunt Melrose wanted to marry a DEAD drug lord, I left her with her delusions and went on a shopping spree for a new outfit. I turned and… saw the supposedly dead Colombian drug lord’s mangled body walk towards my Aunt Melrose, and they embraced. It seemed the drug lord was too lordish to die by being hit by some bourgeoisie LRT train! I wished my Aunt Melrose good luck with him and stuck my tongue out at her just before I turned the corner, because being Pussy-In-Boots gave me courage to be rude to my relatives. Soon, I was back in KLCC, trying to find a cat suit. Finally I spotted a gorgeous black leather one at the display window of MNG. Excitedly, I walked right through its huge glass doors eager to get that exact display suit. I found them neatly hanging on the racks and reached out for one when a strong hairy hand reached out for the same hanger i was about to hold out. Frowning, I looked up to give the owner of the hairy hands a piece of my mind and I froze. The chipmunk looking man stared at me, well at my boob to be precise, his hand still on the hanger, and after a long moment passed us by, he casually asked, "shopping? You're on leave today? I thought I saw you walking in the office a little after nine this morning?" I gave him my brightest smile, flipped my hair so that my body movement would get him to concentrate on my boob again. I thought the conversation would be easier if I distracted him. He was distracted and I asked him if he would follow me to Bangsar so I could hunt more round ones that frequented the area. He asked me why and I said I needed to find a petrol station and didn’t know if there was any. He blinked and said ‘but you don’t have a car…’ I shook my hair again n it made the exposed boob juggle in a hypnotic way that made him say yes to my stupid request anyway. So off we went to the LRT looking for a petrol station in Bangsar. We found too many to count so I pretended I was blind and couldn’t see them and asked…if chipmunk could take me in his car all the way to Genting Highlands and then back to Bangsar to find the petrol stations I had pretended not to see. As I forgot to move my boob hypnotically when I made my request, the chipmunk finally realized I was just being dumb on purpose. He became angry and after giving my hanging out boob a last, long leer, began to walk away. Incensed, I ran after him, but I sadly tripped on a flat part of the pavement and fell into the chipmunk, knocking him into the main road where he was promptly crushed into the ground by a huge X-Trail driven by a very large and tall man. The tall and large man seemed to recognize me and was about to get out of the car to say something to me but I...

Over? Not a chance!...

The Catsuit Capers of Rosetta Stone (Part 3)

Guide: Devena in Red, Diana in Green, Jacelyn in Blue.

...so ugly that I became traumatized and forgot her name; I then forgot who I was but remembered vaguely face of an albino Indian man who worked at a famous supermarket. As he was the only lead to my true identity and the identity of the Ugly one, I began to wonder around the Taman Tun market in my cat suit, asking people for 20 sen so that I could call the supermarket when I manage to collect enough 20 cents to make up a good 10 ringgit so that I could reload my handphone. So there I was wondering around begging when I caught a reflection of myself in an old, chipped of mirror lying by a bag potatoes atthe market. I actually looked good, I mean I looked almost too fancy for a market place, but I could do something else because it seems like people have gotten rather calculative these days as every single person either refused to hand me a 20 cent coin, or they gave that suspicious kind of once-over. I decided to stand by an LRT station and pick the pockets of wealthy tourists. However, my Pussy-in-Boots latex outfit caught the attention of a Colombian Drug Lord who asked if I wanted to follow him back to Colombia and be his personal assistant. The lure of the money was great but I had a Round One to find. I told the Drug Lord…that I had recently lost my memory but on seeing his scarred face, I was reminded of who the Ugly one was and that there was a smashed Round One running around somewhere trying to get me busted. The Drug Lord was amazed at how foolish I sounded but he decided I could get away with stupidity while wearing the wonderful cat suit, the best investment I ever made. Finally, I (Rosetta Stone, for ease of reference), yanked at the Colombian Drug Lord’s hand with its one missing finger and told him to follow me. I held on tight to the Drug Lord's four remaining fingers and we decided to take the LRT to KLCC. I figured that it would be the best place to run away from the both the smashed round one, whose brain probably got smashed in the midst of all that smashing and the ugly one who's probably got a brain ugly enough to match her face, and KLCC, though a familiar hang out, would never cross their mind as a place to find me. We boarded the LRT only to get stares no matter where we turned, some were amused, some bewildered, some staring in admiration, some with jaws wide open but what got to me most were a bunch of three giggling girls who were staring straight at us and their laughter. I went up to them and told them not to laugh at me but they continued to do so. I was so mad, I tried to stab them with my pencil but they moved and I fell on an old man who leered at me. I told him not to worry, I know how to deal with ‘delicate’ situations such as these. I dealt with it by running out the LRT the minute the door opened. Unfortunately, the catsuit ripped whilst I was running and a boob fell out. The drug lord tried to cover it with his hand but I slapped him til he fell between the doors and suffered the same fate as the round one. The round one was apparently in the crowd and saw this- she recognized me and shouted in her manly voice; ‘You! Come here you and apologise to me for all the trouble you caused a poor old lady!’ I responded by…grabbing the dagger that was clutched in the dead hand of the drug lord (luckily the train hadn’t moved off yet) and threw it at the round one who cleverly avoided it as she rolled herself out of the train. The dagger flew straight into the ugly one's eye. The ugly one was standing right behind the round one with the round one covring her artsy fartsy bright colours, and I it was surprising that I didn't notice her. But the bigger problem was that now I was out of the train, without the drug Lord or his dagger, adn the round one was still rolling on the floor of the platform scaring other commuters. I covered my exposed boob with one hand and grabbed the round one’s pant leg with the other and rolled her with all my might to the other end of the platform. As she rolled she knocked over many people who got angry and proceeded to kick and thrash her at the other end of the platform. Whilst the attack, I ran to a bunting and pulled it down, using it to cover my boob. In a roll of bunting cloth I staggered to… the stairs leading to the KLCC entrance from the LRT station, hoping to find another cat suit in one of the boutiques, heartbroken that my beloved investment was torn at the boob.

Once I reached KLCC’s lobby, I quickly looked around, trying to find a boutique that would possibly sell latex clothing, but I could could concentrate on is the waft of cinnamon buns in the air. The smell was coming from the cinnabon stall not too far from where I was standing. My exposed boob problem just seemed to trivial at the actual problem I was having, satisfying my hunger and giving in to the craving of a cinnamon bun and gory violence. I was upset that strangers had beaten the round one and I didn’t. I grabbed a bun and ate it, ignoring the attendant’s shouts to pay for it. I picked up the empty tray and went back to where the round one was lying on the platform unconscious. I used the tray to batter her for a bit before…

Not the end yet...

The Catsuit Capers of Rosetta Stone (Part 2)

Guide: Devena in Red, Diana in Green, Jacelyn in Blue.

ahh, pos malaysia, so thats how he heard me. He was probably having a torrid affair with the company receptionist in the stairwell and thought it was her, as I had many times heard her singing to herself ‘Wait a minute Mr Postman!’ He helped me up and I took the opportunity to grab his mail bag and…run away with it, wanting to read the mail illegally, thereby giving me some excitement in my life. When the postman finally stopped chasing me, I slowed down, managed to find a rather empty Starbucks cafe and walked in with the mail bag. After ordering my favourite latte, I sat down in bliss by the window to read clandestinely. But what happened when I opened the first letter was so unexpected that I gave up reading. I just left the bag of letters on the floor where I had put it down earlier, my mug of steaming latte still on the table, I just walked quietly out to the terrace of Starbucks. I took out my cellphone again and hesitantly dialled the number of the fire brigade. I told them that a very irritating round person was wedged btwn the elevators at my office and that I was responsible. I hung up before saying who ‘I’ was. I then realized I would be a fugitive so I bought a black catsuit and decided to call myself Pussy-in-Boots and fight crime and rid the world of round ones. My first job…was to find the round one who had written a letter to her friend to say that she had seen the entire elevator incident and that she was going to report me to the police.

I went back into Starbucks, grabbed the mail bag and latte and ran out into the street. One of the Starbucks waiters began to chase me down the street and realizing he wanted the Starbucks mug back, I quickly threw the whole mug at him, making sure the coffee spilt all over his t-shirt and apron. He turned red as he suspiciously looked at the mail bag in my hand, at that moment it got me thinking that the letter I just read could not have possibly been written by the round one as she was probably still stuck in middle of the elevator doors and given the string of incidences that got her on the floor, she would probably be having a concussion right now. I noticed the stunned waiter was picking glass shards to stab me with but I moved back and he slipped on the spilt coffee onto the other glass pieces on floor, cutting himself badly. I took this opportunity to run away with the mail bag to check if the round one, who had been cut in half by the elevator could have a concussion much less write a letter. I found she was gone! Her friend, the short, dark, ugly one had sewn her back together. I could barely imagine what hijinx a round one and an ugly one could get up to. I needed to find the Dreaded Duo. I whipped out my cell phone and called the blinking one …to ask her where the Dreaded Duo could be. But all the blinking one could say was that I was missing from the office at a time when there was too much work! Giving up on explaining to the blinking one that I could be sent to jail for murder if I came back to the office, I slammed the phone down and giving my Pussy-In-Boots outfit a pat, proceeded to hail a cab. "Taman Tun please" I said as soon as I sat at the backseat. The horrified look on the cabby's face actually made me smile, as I could imagine what was going through his head when he saw a barely five feet tall women clad in some ridiculous black leather at this hour of the day pretending to play cat-woman. I was half concerned he may not be able to control his ‘urges’ and may rape me as is frequently the case in our town but then realized he may wear himself out just trying to get the tight suit off. He dropped me off at Taman Tun but I then realized I was in the completely opposite direction of where the Round One actually lived. I figured I should get something to eat at a mamak before I journeyed again. At the mamak, I spotted the Ugly one! She was…

Its not over till...

The Catsuit Capers of Rosetta Stone

Guide: Devena in Red, Diana in Green, Jacelyn in Blue.

The ball rolled and rolled until it hit the great wall of china, where it… stopped rolling. Andrea's sudden loud screech upon seeing a cockroach suddenly jolted me from my casual afternoon nap in front of my office pc. I was about to.. go back to sleep, dreaming of the ball rolling into the great wall of China, which is very relaxing an image, when something as dumb as cockroach frenzy grips the entire office. Surely, people have better things to do than…being afraid of cockroaches to the point of a frenzy… I decided to escape the office while everyone was busy searching for the cockroach. Rushing to the lobby, I manage to get into an elevator just before the doors closed. But then, turning around, I saw the round one jeering at me, a wicked glee forming on her face at the thought of catching me going downstairs during the supposed "office hours." I playfully stabbed her in the arm with a pencil leaving her to roll on the floor in pain, hurling expletives at me and all those of my race… Just then…the elevator doors opened. I quickly took the chance to exit, worried the round one may roll on me and squash me in anger and vengeance. The elevator doors closed on the round one writhing in pain while I laughed LOUDLY in happiness and joy-joy. But that deceitful woman in all her roundness would never leave it at that, she yanked at my sleeve and in her manly voice said, "oh that was painful. You know you shouldn't do such things to an old lady like me." I was in too much guilt to stand there and put up with that huskiness, so I yanked my sleeve, causing her to roll into the middle of the closing elevator doors… A crunch sounded as I watched the round one become a semicircle half stuck in elevators doors. The elevator…couldn’t take all the pressure on it because of the crunched round one and it began to plummet down the shaft. The entire building starting shaking. Plaster began to drop from the ceiling, falling on a strange drop of blood that was on the floor next to me. With a scream of fear at the thought of the plaster destroying my wonderfully rebonded hair, I ran over the rounded mass sprawled between the elevator doors, and jumped down to the closest floor that the elevator was stuck in. I landed on my ass with a loud thud and immediately scanned the room to see if anyone saw me. Thankfully, there stood a hot, white guy with shaggy, sandy brown hair, carrying two bags of KFC. The smell of the chicken and his piercing blue eyes made me forget about the mess of round stuff just dangling around the elevator shaft. I got up and…walked over to him, following the smell of the chicken, but when I reached the man with the piercing blue eyes, I gasped in shock for he was not exactly white. He was more of an indian looking thing with a peculiar skin disease. I mean he was white all over, but when he opened his mouth and said "Yes maam... How can I help you?" in an incredibly thick indian accent, I fled to the stairwell, as the elevator was out of the question. As I ran down the stairs, wondering why an Albino Indian man had blue eyes, I did not see some very short men having a smoke and tripped over them. I fell down the stairs but my fall was stopped by… a huge tub of lard that had been left at the bottom of the stairs. Falling smack into all that lard, I was disgusted and let out a loud shriek that caught the ear of a sweet looking young gayish man. He came opened the stairwell door to see what happened and our eyes locked. Me in all that lard-y mess, he in his uniform, wait, he was wearing a uniform, and i squinted to see the tiny words on his left breast pocket.....

Continues! soon...